This happened to me recently. My sister didn’t wish me on my birthday even though I go out of my way for hers. My whole day got ruined that day and in turn I never celebrated my birthday. I felt so seen with because of this piece of writing. I need to stop putting people on a pedestal.
Learning to decentre people (still learning) has been so eye opening for me i didnt realise how much i was chipping away when i didnt consider myself first. So well written i feel seen!
I really love this piece. I'm definitely using this to reevaluate the people I actually call friends and those who are acquaintances. Because I don't think a true friend would even do this, unless there's issues brewing.
Cause I think it's okay to be affected by the actions of people you care about. Unless there's a genuine reason why they didn't wish you. When I turned 18 in uni, I was so excited. I was literally announcing it to everyone(concealing the age though). The day came and my roommates didn't wish me, even their friend that was always coming around didn't either, it was as if they planned it. Meanwhile, the person staying opposite our room literally woke me up with a song and was so happy for me too. Even though I felt bad about my roommates, it just made me to realize we weren't as close as I thought. And I detached from them. I realized we weren't even close enough for me to talk to them about it and clear the air. Because if it was actually my friend, I would talk things out with them. Having bad experiences with a friend shouldn't make you "punish" your other friends by detaching from them when they haven't done anything wrong.
One time, I forgot my mum's birthday🥲(adulting took over my head) and she called me after two days asking if I forgot something😭😭I didn't even remember until she mentioned it. I almost cried, but thankgod for calendar😂I can't even say I forgot again.
Heii...as I'm typing this I just remembered today's my brother's birthday🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
This certainly came at the right time, for woo long I've beaten myself up because of a friend that's becoming distant even after having a conversation about it. It was as if my life was spiraling because they aren't there anymore.
"You could contort yourself 354 degrees just to make your friend happy, but the 6 degrees left shouldn't be added to that" is such a good way to picture the line. It also gets at why this is hard to catch in friendships specifically - nobody did anything wrong, there's no fight to point to, you just slowly stop noticing where you end and they begin.
This was hella relatable. Attaching your self worth and interests to your friends...very very relatable. I'm taking your words and decentering friends at this moment!!
ummm, so i know i didn't provide a lot of context, but the document i sent to my friends was extremely playful and most didn't even meet the 12 am deadline exactly lol. so how you're framing it is really weird to me.
also, they received it two months in advance and there was an option to not do it. nobody was forced to do anything.
lastly, do what works for you in friendships. everyone's relationship has a different dynamic.
They say a good book finds you at the right time. Well, a good substack does find you at the right time too, and this definitely did!
yayyy, i’m glad it found you!!!❤️❤️❤️
This happened to me recently. My sister didn’t wish me on my birthday even though I go out of my way for hers. My whole day got ruined that day and in turn I never celebrated my birthday. I felt so seen with because of this piece of writing. I need to stop putting people on a pedestal.
sooo unfortunate that happened… i hope the next birthday makes up for everything :)
thank you for reading as well!!❤️❤️❤️
Learning to decentre people (still learning) has been so eye opening for me i didnt realise how much i was chipping away when i didnt consider myself first. So well written i feel seen!
i’m so glad!!❤️❤️❤️
At the center of this piece is a profound reminder to take control of yourself and your happiness! I love that! 💕
I really love this piece. I'm definitely using this to reevaluate the people I actually call friends and those who are acquaintances. Because I don't think a true friend would even do this, unless there's issues brewing.
Cause I think it's okay to be affected by the actions of people you care about. Unless there's a genuine reason why they didn't wish you. When I turned 18 in uni, I was so excited. I was literally announcing it to everyone(concealing the age though). The day came and my roommates didn't wish me, even their friend that was always coming around didn't either, it was as if they planned it. Meanwhile, the person staying opposite our room literally woke me up with a song and was so happy for me too. Even though I felt bad about my roommates, it just made me to realize we weren't as close as I thought. And I detached from them. I realized we weren't even close enough for me to talk to them about it and clear the air. Because if it was actually my friend, I would talk things out with them. Having bad experiences with a friend shouldn't make you "punish" your other friends by detaching from them when they haven't done anything wrong.
One time, I forgot my mum's birthday🥲(adulting took over my head) and she called me after two days asking if I forgot something😭😭I didn't even remember until she mentioned it. I almost cried, but thankgod for calendar😂I can't even say I forgot again.
Heii...as I'm typing this I just remembered today's my brother's birthday🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
😭😭😭set reminders for their birthdays
but yahhh, everything you said? totally valid
I've added his own already😂😂because next year he'll be 18 and I can't miss such a milestone birthday
Loved everything about this!
thank you!❤️
This certainly came at the right time, for woo long I've beaten myself up because of a friend that's becoming distant even after having a conversation about it. It was as if my life was spiraling because they aren't there anymore.
Thank you for this❤️❤️
"You could contort yourself 354 degrees just to make your friend happy, but the 6 degrees left shouldn't be added to that" is such a good way to picture the line. It also gets at why this is hard to catch in friendships specifically - nobody did anything wrong, there's no fight to point to, you just slowly stop noticing where you end and they begin.
yes, exactly!! ❤️
You know when you’ve been feeling a certain way but you haven’t got the words to describe it… you laid out my mind bare 😓
Beautiful writing Denisovna 🩵
thank youu❤️
So well said!
I do not remember allowing access to my diary 😭
This was hella relatable. Attaching your self worth and interests to your friends...very very relatable. I'm taking your words and decentering friends at this moment!!
You have no idea what you’ve done for me with this post ❤️❤️
waittttt i’m so honoured!!!❤️
The piece is such a good reminder, and Imma steal your idea for my next birthday if it's allowed😊😫?
ummm, so i know i didn't provide a lot of context, but the document i sent to my friends was extremely playful and most didn't even meet the 12 am deadline exactly lol. so how you're framing it is really weird to me.
also, they received it two months in advance and there was an option to not do it. nobody was forced to do anything.
lastly, do what works for you in friendships. everyone's relationship has a different dynamic.